I was doing it wrong—How the success of others FINALLY got me happiness
Here is the secret formula of well-wishing to untie prosperity, happiness and wellness
Friend, let me ask you a question: How happy are you for your neighbor's success and happiness, for real?
Let’s face it! Most people you know (maybe you included) want to be happy and reach some type of success, and to get there; we have been told to be relentless, never to give up, and to focus on ourselves. But what about others' happiness and success?
It might seem weird - if you are hearing this for the first time - but wishing others well can make us happy, too.
But is it possible to find true happiness without putting ourselves first?
In this edition of Weaving Healing, I will show you how the power of kindness, empathy, and happiness are intertwined with the success and happiness of others.
Moments of sorrow often lead us to offer and/or ask for prayers, intentions, and blessings, hoping for a positive outcome. Yet, when everything is going relatively well in our lives, we almost never consider asking for similar well-wishes.
It is more normal than ever before to be connected by technology to every single corner of the world. News from friends and family members travels very fast.
I remember the time when I had to carefully manage the minutes on my calling card to have my weekly 30-minute call and the roundup of events from my loved ones overseas. But nowadays, between WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, and Facetime, it is rare and somehow unusual not to be aware of what is going on with our loved ones and witnessing almost in real time how others face challenges, whether in their health, relationships, or personal lives.
Moments of sorrow often lead us to offer and/or ask for prayers, intentions, and blessings, hoping for a positive outcome. Yet, when everything is going relatively well in our lives, we almost never consider asking for similar well-wishes.
I cannot recall any of the members in my inner circle asking for prayers and intentions for more progress, success, happiness, etc. when they are “doing well,” Do you?
It is like when everything is going well, you are healthy, got a promotion at work, relationships are stable, etc., we tend to keep it low, but why is it that we only extend our wishes for wellness when someone is in sorrow and experiencing a rough patch in life? And why is it that we feel hesitant to ask for blessings when our own lives are on a positive trajectory?
Why do we feel hesitant to ask for blessings when our lives are on a positive trajectory?
The theory of the fear of comparison
The answer to these questions lies in our inherent tendency to compare ourselves to others.
Celebrating the continuation of blessings for others can involuntarily remind us of our shortcomings and how far we are from our ideal dream of our own happiness. I said “ideal” because happiness and success are subject to personal interpretation.
If we truly embrace the fact that happiness is subjective, ever-changing, and unique to each one of us, we can find the capacity to genuinely rejoice in others' happiness, knowing that our own happiness is never far away.
I totally get it; these concepts can be a bit tricky to understand at first, so I did a bit of research on the Science of Happiness – Oh yeah! You heard me, alright! There is a whole science behind how to be happy, and let me tell you, what I found out was super interesting!
Research in neuroscience reveals that being kind, empathetic, happy for others, and wishing well to others is not only emotionally rewarding but also profoundly impacts our well-being. And this is how: Acts of kindness trigger the release of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, which enhance feelings of satisfaction and wholeness. Being kind also lights up the brain's pleasure and reward centers and releases great levels of endorphins, which are our body's natural painkillers, so less pain, more feeling better kind of scenario.
✳️ So, Fact 1: Being kind to others (that includes Nature), like celebrating others' success, will make you feel better and increase happiness.
Let it ripple toward a better world
Kindness has the potential to make the world a happier place because it is contagious. When we do good and wish well to others, we boost our confidence and help us feel optimistic about the future; we improve our own well-being and inspire others to do the same, creating a more positive environment for everyone. A more positive inner circle will create more positive communities, and so on.
Here is something to reflect upon: Happiness is an endless resource that doesn’t evaporate or run out when it is shared with and for others. Instead, it's an ever-changing, subjective experience, and rejoicing in others' happiness does not take away from our own potential for joy.
When we feel happy for others, even if we don't know them, it can actually increase our empathy and make us feel more connected to those around us. It's true! This can help us better understand the emotions and needs of the people in our lives and be less isolated and lonely, increasing our sense of social connectedness.
✳️ So, fact 2: Practicing kindness and being happy for others can break the loneliness epidemic the world is facing by fomenting a sense of belonging and feeling connected to others.
Okay, all these concepts are enriching - I know! But until you apply them to day-to-day scenarios, they are just that, concepts. So here are my 3 simple and pragmatic methods I have been practicing towards happiness.
1. Practice Gratitude: I know it may sound cheesy and redone, but I promise it works! And it is because it will help you develop a positive outlook and a deeper appreciation for the blessings in your life.
Cultivating gratitude makes it easier to cheer up others' happiness genuinely. I give thanks and reflect on 3 things or lessons I learned every day before I go to sleep.
2. Small Acts of Kindness: I commit to doing at least one random act of kindness each day. This is very meaningful to me. The acts are simple little things that carry goodness within, like holding a door open for someone, giving a compliment to a colleague, or collecting empty shopping carts at the grocery store.
Put it this way: meaningful little acts make someone else's day brighter and boost your sense of happiness and well-being. So, could you make it a habit to spread kindness every day?
3. Reframing Responses: Whenever I find myself caught in the cycle of comparing my life with others, I pause to take a deep breath and place my hands on my heart to reassure myself that I am human and that these feelings are a natural part of the human experience. I then reframe my inner and outer responses. Instead of seeing the success of others as a threat or a reminder of my shortcomings, I view it as an inspiration!
Celebrate other’s achievements and recognize that their happiness doesn't diminish your potential for joy. This shift in mindset can lead to a more empathetic and content life.
Okay, friend, now that you know that your happiness multiplies when you celebrate the joy of others, how about you invest in creating a more connected and harmonious inner circle by fostering kindness and empathy? Small actions can be a catalyst for sustainable change that affects us all.
The key message I want to convey today is that even if you are not my next-door neighbor (or maybe you are), it is important for me to let you know that your happiness and success bring me so much joy and that I am incredibly proud of all the great things you are doing.
If you enjoyed this week's content, please give it a like 👍🏽👍 and share 📩📩 it with your close circle. I would love to hear from you, so please drop a comment with the word "happiness" to let me know if this article helped you. Also, don't forget to try out my contemplative heart practice in gratitude to help you deal with comparison. Let's continue working on this journey towards happiness together!
With love and in community,
Lorena
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